No Matter Try Again Fail Again Fail Better

There is a soundtrack to Derek Jarmen’s Blue (I know, sick, but useful). One cut is his even reading of the side effects and contraindications of an experimental treatment for AIDS. He reads, for 10, 12 minutes, you think, but it seems an hour, a litany of bad mojo as a result of eating the pill, then the reading of the hold harmless statement goes on, 3, 4, 5, minutes, but it seems an hour, then he commences, without hesitation, to talk about signing the release of liability and eating the pill. Eat it. What else but eating?

A whole day of eating!

And Fred said:
Oh you wouldn’t believe it if you saw it. They are fine upstanding citizens.
Do they act up? I ask.
They do, he said, almost spitting. Then they gain weight for October in Bangkok.
What the hell? I say, buggin quite bad.
They do, he said, looking off to the middle ground.
You mean they go back? I say, incredulous and then in the last aspirations of the word realize well…

Why not? What else?

And women, he says. Men and women, not just men.

Why not, I say, what else?

And in Fred’s silence I hear this:

That’s all you need to know.

There is no else.

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